in my mind

i was pretending all the time in front of her.
no, actually, i was pretending in front of everyone.
i'm not good at showing my friends my weakness.
i don't know why, but i juts don't like to show my weakness.
i didn't ask somebody advise.
i just kept everything in my mind.
so, no body knew how i felt at that time, but one.
only she knew how i felt.
maybe she didn't know how i felt.
i assume that she knew i liked her, but she didn't know how i felt whenever i saw her.
what she knew was i liked her.
but probably she also pretended that she had known nothing.
so, we were "friends".

there were so many things in my mind.
i almost lost my caonfident.
i told her how i felt long time ago, but i got nothing from her.
did she forget what i said?
did she forget what she told me?
does she pretend i'm her friend because she feels pity to me?
does she hate me in fact...?
does she know me...?
does she know who i am...?

i have never got the answers for these questions.
i was just thinking.
but there was no way i feel better.
what i could do is just hide my emotions and pretend i'm okay.
and i'm good friend of hers.

as a friend

scine she came back, we hung out a lot.
we had time till school started, so we went to watch movies, shopping, and taking a walk together.
it was very happy time for me.
i saw her almost everyday till our school started.
i don't remember why we hung out so often, but i remembered that the time i spent with her was like dream.
we had really good time.

then school started.
even though our school started, we saw very often.
because we went to same school and school was not big.
so, if i was studying at library or whereever, i met her.
and we hung out too!
sometimes just me and her.
sometimes, our friends were there.
either way, we were very good friend.
yes, just friend...

cool stuff

this is what i thought it's cool.
i knew the iphone, but i didn't know what really is.
i mean i had no infomation about the function of iphone.
i was surprised this aplication!
it's so cool!!
has anyone got iphone already??

i met her

when i met her, i had jet lag.it was so bad!it was freaking hard to stay awake.when i met her, probably she thought i was so sleepy lol

i felt little bit strange when i met her again.
because neither of us didn't know what to talk.
we talked a lot on msn, yet we hadn't seen each other more than 2 months.so, both of us were little bit shy.
yet, we could talk as time went by.we had dinner and went to watch movie.
i was watching her face all the time, so i don't remember what movie was that lol
it was very good time to see her.i was very glad to see her.
the fact that she was pleased by my gift from japan made me happy as well.
i bought so much stuff in japan.in fact, half of my suit case was gift for her lolthen the nigth was over.
we went home, but i was still excited to be the same town she was.

coming back to where she lives

time went so slow even though i did so many things and had so much fun with my friends and family.
but time went little by little.
then i came back to canada, she lived.

my friends got me the next day i came back to canada.
they prepared party for me and we had so much fun.
they made plan to go to banff without telling me.
it was very surprising for me, but we went to banff anyways.
i had so much fun with them because i missed them when i was in canada.
yet i was thinking about her all the time.
actually, i couldn't stop thinking about her even though i was talking with my friends.

i sent her e-mail as soon as i got where i used to live.
seems she was so busy because she was moving the next day i came back to canada.
i was thinking to help her moving, but i went to banff with my friends.
fortunatelly, her friends could help her, so she could move without my help.
however, i missed her badly...

right after i came back from banff, i sent her e-mail again.
then i got a chance see her again!!
i was so happy to see her!!

my birthday

i am back to original story this time~!
i don't know which one you like to read, but this is the main purpose i have blog.
so, i try to keep writing about my story~~
here is the new one!!

while i was staying in japan, my birthday came.
i was so busy to hang out with my friends because i hadn't seen them more than one year.
i hung out with them almost everyday.
but i still kept in touch with her.
sometimes, she cared my health because i told her that i didn't sleep enough.
i was really glad she cared about me even though it was a white lie.
when she said that she also told me that she would call me soon.
i didn't know why she said she would call me.
i completely forgot my birthday.

then my birthday came.
she called me in real.
i was so surprised that she called me because i called her every time and it was first time she called me.
i was so glad to hear her voice.
i was also glad that she remembered my birthday.
she also sent me e-mail.
it was very simple, yet it was good enough.
i was supposed to see my friends on my birthday, so i could not talk doe a long time.
i guess i talked with her like 20 minutes.
it was very happy time for me.
that birthday was the best birthday i've ever had.
that was my 20th birthday

new thing !!

as i mentioned before, i want to write something except my story.
so, i will do it today!!
my story doesn't sound happy yet, i guess.so, here is the article you can laugh at~~
i don't know what you think, but i thought it's funny!!
here it is~~enjoy ~
http://queenaudy.blogspot.com/2008/01/rehat-sekejap.html

can't see her again

sorry for being late.
i've been quite busy.
and as i wrote before, i have a stupid problem.
seems like i can update this time!
so, here is~~

i was going to go back to japan for vacation, so i left here without telling her anything.
she didn't tell me anything as well.but we kept in touch with each other.
even though there was long distance between us, we talked a lot everyday.
when we can't chat, she sent me e-mail.so i did.
i missed her so much, but it wasn't hard like i expected. sometimes, i called her.
it was very nice to hear her voice. her voice was sane as we talked before.
i really liked to talk with her.

there is only one thing i was wonderring.
she didn't tell me anything even though she knew i liked her so much.
so, i thought she might like being friend of mine.
i tried to be nice to her because i was trying to make her love me.
but i thought that it worked the other way i expected.
i had no idea about that.i had no way to ask her.
i just kept trying to be nice to her.
even though i wasn't with her, i always cared about her and thinkning about her.

problem??!!

i've tried to update. however, i could not write anything !!
i don't know why i couldn't...
was it an internet problem?
or was my computer broken?
i try to write as often as i can, but it happens everytime...?!
actually, i tried 5 times to update this.
i need to figure out what was was the problem, but i can't even guess what was the cause...
i hope i can update without any problems again-_-b
i wish i knew about computer more than i do !
maybe it's time to study about computer lol
at least, i should be gald that it is working now !!

seeing her again

finally she came back to canada and i could see her. i was really glad to see her. i was thinking what i should say first, but i could not say anything when i saw her and she asked me “how are you?”. she looked really tired. of course, she was because she just came back to canada from korea last night. she did not have enough rest. but she came to see me. i was really glad to see her. but i realized that she did not want to talk about us, i mean the feeling i have to her. she was avoiding that topic while she was with me…

she went home without telling me anything what she thought. my hard days was not over… i was going back to japan 2 weeks later she came back, so i wanted to see her as much as i can. i asked to see her, but she refused every time. everytime she refused, i felt she was making excuses and tried not to see me.

one day i had a day too see her. i thought i was the last chance to tell her my feeling to her. but she stopped me to talking about that. i had to go back to japan without telling her… and of course, she did not say anything about that. she did not accept me. she did not even say “no”.

i was really confused by her reaction... i thought she would tell me if she would date me or not.

telling her

i told her how i felt about her honestly. it seemed that she was confused about that. she asked me the weather where ailive, but that was the question she had never asked me. and that was last time to ask me the weather.

she said that she would give me answer when she came back to Canada. so, i just waited for her coming back to canada. till she came back, i felt like time had not gone by at all. i felt one hour was like one day. because i was bored, i had lots of time to think of her. maybe it was not good thing. i could not sleep well. i just got 2 or 3 hours sleep. but i could chat with her more than before because of this. the more i chatted with her, the more i liked her. i was completely crazy for her already. i couldn’t wait for her coming back.

but the hardest thing happened before she came back. she told me her secret i did not know. the secret was pretty shocking for me. i had presentation 2 days later, but i could not prepare for it at all. i did not want to do anything. i did not even want to think anything. but i just kept thinking of her… i almost gave up on her, but i couldn’t. even though her secret was hard for me to take, i could not give up. i just waited for her coming back like nothing happened. the days i waited for her were pretty hard for me.

a happy new year

2008 is here now.
too many things happened to me last year.
i smiled a lot. i cried a lot.
i don't know what will happen this year.
i hope it will be wonderful year for me.
also for you guys.

i started this blog this year, but i could not update oftten.
i will try to update as often as i can. i might take break sometimes, but i want to finish writing my story. i hope you keep reading this and enjoy.

i might try to write something else too. of course, i will keep writing about the story, but you might be sick of the story sometimes. so, i might write something different.
you shouldn't expect me to do it. this is what i am thinking now. it doesn't mean i will do it, ok?

anyway, thank you for visiting my blog!!
hope you keep visiting me!!

a happy new year!!!!!!!!!